as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
