am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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