Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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