You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
