We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
