she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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