A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
