ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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