Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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