winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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