you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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