i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
