I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
