are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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