I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
