I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize