I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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