i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
