i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
