that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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