Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
