At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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