You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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