I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
