Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
