did you get engaged???
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
