I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
