My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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