I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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