So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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