he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
