It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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