Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im six kinds of drunk right now
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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