is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
