Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
