the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
