you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize