Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
