I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
