i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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