I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
