Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
