She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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