hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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