Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
