I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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