you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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