Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
