I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
