I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's never too late to be topless.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
