Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she peed on how many people?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
