I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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