what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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