All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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