I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
