12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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