I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
