He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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