It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
