Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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