You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
birth control should be required to get into college
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
