Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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