how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
