This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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