Who did Billy Mays play for?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
