wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
