I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
