I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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