goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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