I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
