you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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