If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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