OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
