She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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